I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
