please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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