In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
