Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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