I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
