I must be too annoying 4 u.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
