did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
