i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
im drinking this country out of the recession.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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