I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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