I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
wanna go halves on a baby?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize