All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Let's paint friendship bongs
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
3 2 1 whiskey
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
