my soul wont recognize me after tonight
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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