apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We are all done wearing pants today
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
