can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
