I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
