for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
