sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
