Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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