i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
