I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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