My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
