i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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