I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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