I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
