I smell stomach acid.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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