FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
