There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you inspire me to be a worse person
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
