she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
