They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
