"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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