my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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