$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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