Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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