Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
