Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
