she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
