I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
The air taste purple.
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