he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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