Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
