Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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