I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize