I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
