Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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