Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
