my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
