So drunk its hurt
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize