so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
