At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
