New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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