i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize