have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
