I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Michael Bay diarrhea
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
