when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
