I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
