Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
