member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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