Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
the room spins SO much faster in panama
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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