Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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