Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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