She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
