There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The adults are the big ones right?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
