our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
