i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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