So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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