Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Randomize
