it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i was born a porn star she said
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
