Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I have aggressive nipples.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
