Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
