the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
