You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
