How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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