You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
