We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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