Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
