Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
