Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
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