I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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