I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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