um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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