she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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