Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
