This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
