Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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