I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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