"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
