so explain again why im purple
no
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
