When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
